Being a mom

For a long time, there weren't a lot of labels that I would have put on myself.
Female. Student. Daughter. Sister. Ally. Vegetarian. Pizza connoisseur.

But it seems like the older I get, the new labels feel so grown-up.
Wife. Home-owner. Teacher. And most recently, and perhaps most weighty: Mom.

It's been interesting to find that pretty much everything that everyone old me about becoming a parent has been true. Your hormones are going to go nuts. You will constantly worry that you're messing up your kid. It can be incredibly isolating and you will feel very alone sometimes. Breastfeeding is a challenge (this has been a huge understatement in my experience thus far.) You will feel so busy all day caring for the baby, and then at the end of the day feel like you've accomplished nothing. Your relationship with your partner will evolve. The attachment you have to your pets will now feel inconsequential. The laundry and dishes will sink to the bottom of your list of priorities. Your house will become crowded with baby stuff that you probably don't need but it somehow feels reassuring to keep it all around. You will be tired all. the. time. And you will love this baby so fiercely.

Yep, all true.

My maternity leave is nearing the halfway point and I'm having a lot of feelings about it. On one hand, I really love my job and find it personally satisfying. I actually miss my students and wonder about how they're doing with my long-term sub. On the other hand, the idea of not getting to spend every day with Noah is pretty heart-breaking. I'm fortunate that when I go back to school at the beginning of March, there will only be three months left and then I'll be able to stay home over summer vacation. We also have a child-care center in the high school and I'm cautiously optimistic that we'll be able to send Noah there. It would be wonderful to be able to stop in and see him during my school day.

I actually managed to make it out of the house with Noah to go to a social group for moms with babies that are 0-6 months old. When you spend two months holed up in your house, it's easy to forget that the world keeps turning and that there are other moms out there with their own babies, struggling with the same things you are. We also made it to the post office to send out our Christmas cards. It's funny how small things that used to be no big deal, somehow feel like huge victories now.

I guess there isn't really a cohesive point to this post. I'm trying to write more often so I remember this time. Another thing that everyone says is that the time goes by so fast, so hopefully recording some of my thoughts about it will help me remember and slow down.

Okay, you knew there were going to be more baby pictures...

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season! We will be spending Christmas at our home this year, but my family will be visiting us for a few days. Then we're planning on taking our first trip to MN sometime near the beginning of the year. Here's hoping that Noah is a good traveller- we'll find out soon!